{"id":9776,"date":"2024-02-20T03:00:00","date_gmt":"2024-02-20T08:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/espacestudio.ca\/help-i-dont-want-to-give-anyone-a-plus-one-to-my-wedding\/"},"modified":"2024-02-20T03:00:00","modified_gmt":"2024-02-20T08:00:00","slug":"help-i-dont-want-to-give-anyone-a-plus-one-to-my-wedding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/espacestudio.ca\/en\/help-i-dont-want-to-give-anyone-a-plus-one-to-my-wedding\/","title":{"rendered":"Help! I Don\u2019t Want to Give Anyone a Plus-One to My Wedding."},"content":{"rendered":"

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Dear Prudence is Slate\u2019s advice column.\u00a0<\/em>Submit questions here.<\/em><\/strong><\/a>\u00a0(It\u2019s anonymous!)<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Prudence,<\/strong><\/p>\n

I (32F) just got engaged to my partner (37M). Yay! We are on the same page about wanting a domestic destination wedding with our immediate families and a couple of our closest friends. The two friends he\u2019s inviting are unmarried, and though they both have partners we like, we do not plan on inviting their partners and both feel fine about that decision. The issue is that the two friends I\u2019d like to invite are both married\u2026 and I don\u2019t like their husbands. They\u2019re fine, but I only have cordial relationships with them, and I don\u2019t really want two men I barely know at my micro wedding alongside our 13 nearest and dearest loved ones. Is it OK to not give a plus-one to a married wedding guest?<\/p>\n

\u2014It\u2019s Not You, It\u2019s Him<\/p>\n

Dear It\u2019s Not You,<\/strong><\/p>\n

This is the thing about wedding-planning decisions that make things harder and less fun for your guests: They\u2019re a lot like saying the N-word. It\u2019s a free country, and you can do what you want! But you can\u2019t do the thing that upsets other people and<\/em> expect not to suffer any consequences when it comes to what they say about you, how they feel about you, or the choices they make about being around you.<\/p>\n

So, yeah, you can<\/em> not give a plus-one to a married guest. It\u2019s technically OK. The wedding police won\u2019t show up at your door. It\u2019s your event, you\u2019re paying for it, you have an interest in being surrounded by people you actually like and feel close to, and you make the rules. But I can\u2019t tell you that this decision won\u2019t come back to bite you. Your friends will almost certainly complain behind your back. They may be resentful that what they imagined would be a nice domestic couple\u2019s getaway around your nuptials has turned into being alone for all of their travel time and much of the wedding weekend. They might feel awkward without having their person to lean on at the rehearsal dinner and reception. This could change the energy they bring to the event. Perhaps they\u2019ll be less likely to be fun on the dance floor or less cheerful in general. They might very well decide not to attend. And the effects could linger after you say your vows, as the snub has the potential to reshape the way they think about their relationship with you. Will they travel as a couple a few years from now for the big party you plan for your husband\u2019s 40th when you actually want both of them to attend? Will they leave their husbands alone yet again next year to attend your baby shower? If they chose not to, I wouldn\u2019t blame them.<\/p>\n

You can see where I\u2019m going with this. If you don\u2019t actively dislike these husbands or worry that they\u2019ll ruin your day, the smart choice is to let them come. The presence of a couple of people you aren\u2019t super close to will not take away from the good vibes around your day. The presence of friends who are irritated or disappointed about your choices and quietly mumbling about your bridezilla tendencies will. Not that you asked, but let the unmarried friends have plus-ones too! Your wedding isn\u2019t just about you and your spouse (if that were the case, you\u2019d just go to the courthouse alone). It\u2019s about your relationships with the people who are going to go way out of their way to celebrate and support you. One huge way to show your appreciation and keep the support going is to act as if you care about their experience of the event.<\/p>\n

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